It made Hild glad to hear that Luke made Spencer happier, as she thought the same true for the other man. But she felt a sharp emptiness in her chest even so, like the ache of having too little food to sustain one. She saw others' happiness in love, felt it, breathed it in like it was incense, heady and rich. It was difficult for Hild not to be happy when her friends were happy. Despite this, being in love was one thing that many of her friends had experience with and she did not. She had never had the time, never had the luxury of being able to fall in love. She was young by the standards of Darrow, but old enough by the standard of Northumbria. She had sex and enjoyed it, but as Spencer and she had discussed once, there could be sex without love. She cared, in some instances deeply, about those she had let share her bed, but she knew it was not the same. She did not know what being in love felt like, but she knew she had not tasted it yet.

Her smile would not falter. No dark shadow would pass over her gaze. She was happy for Spencer and not unhappy with her own lot. Only aware.

She nodded and dipped her head to consider her coffee cup, worrying the edge of the cardboard holder with her thumb. "I had something like that with Begu, my gemæcce. She was always to be there when I needed her, and even when I did not realize I needed her. It is good to have someone you can trust in so completely. To know there's no games at work with them."