light_of_the_world | Next cometh Autumn with the sun so hot and piercing...

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Next cometh Autumn with the sun so hot and piercing...

Back home, the court moved. Breguswith had explained it to Hild once, when she was a child and adamantly against such constant travel. She wanted to stay in a place long enough to learn its habits, to discover its secret places, to feel it with her whole skin. But as her mother pointed out, a king could not remain in one area for so long, not if he wished to keep his thegns in line with his powerful presence and keep his court from eating those thegns out of house and home. And so they had drifted from castle to castle, following the shifting seasons, keeping time with the different vills. Bebbanburg, Yeavering, Tinamutha, once, Brough, Sancton, Goodmanham, York.

But time did not need a changing landscape to move on. Hild found herself on the cusp of fall, without York, for the first time in more than a decade. Darrow did not have York's sweet apples or pears, nor its wars. It did have something called a pumpkin spice latte, however, which was almost as delicious as the overexcited barista had told Hild it would be. She had ordered two if only to calm the woman, but she had reasoned that anything that garnered such praise, mostly earnest, had to be passing good.

Balancing a tray of coffees and a few scones in one hand, Hild texted a few of her friends with the other, inviting them each to join her in the park, if they had the time. The first to arrive could have the spare latte. So she said. Hild had every intention of ensuring that each of her friends could share in the pumpkin spiced goodness.

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She laughed, startled, and was glad she was not drinking when Hild had said that. Hild truly enjoyed saying outrageous things behind the cover of an innocent face, and Eowyn thought it was both personality and her history. From what she knew of Hild's role in her own court, her pronouncements may not have always been welcome. Saying them innocently was far less likely to cause problems with those who did not like what they heard.

"I have never been with one of the Dunedain, nor anyone else, as you know, but I would not be surprised if they also had such traits."

In her own opinion, Hild thought the word "lover" was a perfectly acceptable term. But she could see how that too might pose problems, given that the English word "love" carried so many different levels and types of love. It remained one of the more confusing aspects of English. For all that it took and borrowed from other languages, it had not seen reason to take other words for love and all its varieties into its arms.

Hild considered Spencer's words and the quote as she sipped her coffee. The meaning seemed obvious and she agreed with it on first hearing, but she did not like to take Spencer's words, however quick they might be, for granted.

"Still I say, do the thing and do not waste time with the worry," Hild replied with a fond smile. "But these are good words. It is right to value more those that will stay by your side when you are at your worst more than those that flit in and out of your life. And by this you know that I will always be here to help you," she said earnestly. "Even when you might be a struggle. Not that I have seen this yet."

"Is there no one that catches your eye here?" Hild asked. It was a little abrupt, she would have to admit, but she did not wish to be distracted by questions and thoughts of the Dunedain at that moment. Those dark men, whatever they were, would remain where they were; Eowyn's life was a changing thing, like the seasons.

"Surely you have met dozens of men and women, at the stables alone," she reasoned.

It was welcome yet strange to have a friend who was so concerned about her in this way. Eomer had never wished to consider his sister ever becoming interested in another, and the serving-women were not of a rank that they could discuss it with her. So she had never truly had a female friend, not as Hild was, and had never been asked such questions.

"I have never allowed myself to consider it," she said frankly. She paused before the next explanation, for she had never truly explained how she felt about this subject to Hild. But she had told Krem, and he had understood, and she had mentioned it to Athos, and he had also showed some understanding. She had no doubt that Hild would as well.

"Before, my marriage would have been to secure an alliance, as you well know, though my mother assured me that I would not be forced to marry one I hated when I asked her about it. And then once Grima became my Uncle's counselor, he had me in mind for his prize once our kingdom had fallen. If I had showed any interest in any man or woman, I am certain their life would have ended or they would have been banished from Edoras."

Do the thing and do not waste time with the worry.

He has to bite back a smile at that, though he nods as his smile widens, genuine in its affection. "I will do the thing," he promises, "and I won't waste time." Reid thinks he's getting better at that as the days pass. He'd like to hope so, anyway. The day Luke had brought him flowers, they'd taken another step in their relationship and while they haven't been intimate with each other yet, the way his boyfriend had touched him that evening had been unlike anything Reid had experienced before.

Granted, it's been a long time since anyone has touched him like that, but he doesn't think it could possibly have been the same with anybody else. While he's never disrespected the opinion of those who believe in fate, Reid has never believed it himself. Only once has he truly questioned whether there could possibly be a higher power, when he'd died those few minutes after what Tobias Hankel (Raphael, rather) had done to him, and seen the supposed light at the end of the tunnel. He's remained steadfast in his commitment to science and rationality but now, faced with the intensity of his feelings for Luke and the knowledge that this meeting couldn't have happened in their separate worlds, he wonders if he's really just been waiting all this time for this man.

It's a fleeting thought, one he doesn't need an answer to because what matters is that he is with Luke. If there's a bigger reason as to why, Reid can live without knowing it.

When Hild says she hasn't seen a worse side of him, though, Reid lets out a burst of laughter. "No, not yet," Reid says, "and while I hope you're never subjected to any of my mood swings, they do exist." For the most part, he thinks he's good about keeping them under control but when he's under a great deal of stress, when he's trying to keep his head straight in the face of something that hits him hard on a personal level, it becomes more difficult. He's never been quite as good at that as Hotch or Gideon or even Emily.

After a second of hesitation, he gives Hild a nudge with his elbow. "For you, I think I can muster the will to try harder not to be a struggle."

Nothing that Eowyn said surprised her overmuch, as Eowyn no doubt would have known. Hild did sneer in disgust at the mention of this Grima, who would play the aide to her uncle but plot destruction; a man who would be so cowardly in his actions would surely turn Eowyn's stomach, and as a lover it would have been unthinkable. She eased her expression back into something more neutral before continuing.

"But did you not have lovers? Your brother, for example. Surely he must have been reserved for some alliance as well, but just as surely there had to have been a kitchen maid, a farmer, someone he kept quietly?"

Hild frowned and bit her lip. "I am the same as you, you know. I should have been given to some princeling and many had designs for my death. But my mother told me, as long as I kept it quiet, as long as it was someone who did not matter in the court, I could be with whomever I liked. If I made a bad choice, someone with power or influence, or got myself with child, yes, I would have paid dearly. And for this reason, and so I had no distractions, I kept to myself. But here is different. Here no one has plans for our marriages. Here we may act as ourselves and only have ourselves to answer for it."

"Oh, Eomer certainly did," she chuckled. "He cut a swathe through the Eastfold each time he went back to our parents' lands. But he did not wish for me to know about them, and so he would not speak of them."

Eomer was quite popular with the maids, and Eowyn knew why, for her brother was tall and strong and the ideal of a Rohirric man. But it had been different for her.

"Grima began to be my uncle's counselor when I was but fifteen summers, and his influence began to truly poison Theoden King's mind when I was nineteen. By the time I was aware of men in more than a casual way, more than as a gentle crush on a swordmaster, Grima was strong," she explained. "And he was free with his hands. Too free, though I rebuked him as often as I could and as strongly as I could without endangering my position caring for my uncle. I believe he thrived on my rejection, and would have enjoyed my dislike had he succeeded in gaining his prize. I cannot help but think of his hands and his foul breath when I consider any man in such a way."

Hild took Spencer's words for the promise that they were, nodding her satisfaction that he would agree to her and her way of thinking. It was not a catch all idea, something to be applied to every situation. Hild knew this especially well, given that acting without worrying about the consequences would surely have seen both Hild and all she cared about dead, back home. But in this instance, with Spencer and Luke as enamored with each other as they were, Hild could not foresee either taking any action that would forever alienate the other. They had to take advantage of the window of opportunity that they had together.

Though she had yet to experience the reality of it herself, Hild knew, from reason and from stories, that the gods of this city could take them from their homes and, one day, bring them back to their homes. Or elsewhere. One day, Luke or Spencer, or both might disappear. They would hate themselves if they did not take advantage of every day, if they wasted any time with silly worries. Indeed, she had begun to absorb some of this thinking into her activities as well.

Hild grinned at his nudge, leaning over to bump her shoulder against his. "Give all your swinging moods to Luke, and leave the sunny ones for me," she said. "That is part of his duties as boyfriend, is it not?" It was only a tease and she knew that Spencer understood it to be such. She truly meant to be at his side should ever he need any kind of assistance.

"Though if that is the case, I wonder that many people do get into these boyfriend girlfriend relationships."

The sneer of distaste appeared again, and this time Eowyn's descriptions made Hild's stomach turn uncomfortably. She thought of Lintlaf, grabbing Gwladus' arm and making demands, but at least Gwladus had favored him once. It was not good -- it still made Hild's blood boil to think of it -- but Hild could feel the sliminess of this Grima without ever having met him.

"I am sorry that you had to suffer this," Hild said, laying her hand atop her friend's free hand. "It must have been impossible to find peace, and you had no freedom. I understand why thoughts of this Grima would haunt you still."

She pursed her lips thoughtfully and spoke carefully. "In time, I hope the thought of him fades. I hope it is replaced with some good man or woman who wishes for your happiness, not your disdain. He is not here, after all. And if he were I would kill him without a question."

Thoughts of Grima always drew her mind into darker paths, and Eowyn was glad of Hild's hand to return her to the present. She turned her hand to squeeze Hild's in thanks for comfort and understanding.

"I could not have endured it, but for my love of my uncle and my people. If I had left the court, as I often longed to do, he would have been alone and the kingdom would have fallen. And so I stayed, in hopes that he would someday be released from his early dotage and become the strong king he should have been the entire time. Now that he has been so released, Grima is banished back to his master and there he will stay. I hope that the thoughts of him will fade from my mind as his influence fades from our realm, but I do not know that any man would have the patience to endure so slow a pace such I might need."

She was startled into a laugh even in the midst of her worry by Hild's matter-of-fact statement that she would kill Grima.

"In that, I think you would have competition, for I wish to have a chance at him as well."

There was a measure of reassurance to be taken from the happy ending of the story, that Grima was rightfully banished and that he uncle regained his own mind. But while the kingdom might have recovered as though overnight, Eowyn had a longer journey ahead of her. Hild had no doubt that she would make it through, but not suddenly and without effort.

She smiled kindly and inclined her head in a small nod. "I would not dream of stealing the honor away from you," Hild said. "But I do not think you take your own measure right, my friend. I believe many a worthy man would be willing to wait for these bad memories to fade and be forgotten. A woman such as you is not common." Her smile turned teasing, playfully chiding. "Or do you think I take anyone to be my companion, so close as you?"

"Nay, I know you would not," Eowyn immediately agreed, for she knew very well how difficult the lot of a sister-daughter to the king was. There were few who could be trusted, and fewer still who would want to be. Hild knew to pick her friends carefully, as Eowyn did, and she took her friend's gentle rebuke as it was intended.

"And I thank you for not allowing me to dwell in dark places in my head, for you know I can be prone to it. Now, you must tell me some news, for we have spoken of me alone far too long."

"I think you might be right, if such duties really do exist. Though being with him seems to make me consistently happier so maybe having a boyfriend will do away with all the bad moods entirely." The chances of that are highly unlikely, which is why Reid says it with a twitch in his grin, but he's honest when he says he's happier now. Hild can see that, he suspects, because even though he wouldn't say he's ever been a particularly morose person and is generally in good spirits, even Reid can say about himself that he does smile more now.

He smiles more because he thinks of Luke often, whether it's about something they'd done or something Luke had said or something they might do later, just the thought of his boyfriend is enough to make his eyes glaze over with happiness. Some of the detectives at the department have already noticed this, poking fun at him when he checks his phone to find a text from Luke and insisting that they should all go out to the bar together one night. Though Reid had adamantly declined--

(not out of embarrassment and not even because he doesn't want to have to think of his next excuse for why he doesn't drink but because he wouldn't want to subject Luke to the teasing that would almost be a guarantee)

--it'd still pleased him to know that the people he works with here seem to be just as happy about seeing him happy as his team had back home.

"And I can't speak for anyone else but for me, there's something to be said about knowing with certainty that there will always be someone I can turn to at the end of the day. For Luke, I would drop everything to help him if that's what he needed, and I know he would do the same for me. It's comforting to have that kind of security." There's also the matter of what an excellent kisser he is but that's something he thinks is better left unspoken.

"Oh hell yes, put a good word in for me." I love even the possibility of working at a bookstore. I'm still not sure exactly what path I want to go down, but what honor roll nerd like me wouldn't want to work in a bookstore? It's a dream job.

"Derek speaks Spanish?" I don't know why I'm so surprised; I know a lot about Derek, but you can't know every single thing about someone, especially when you've only known them for a couple of months. (See: my secret friendship/relationship/whatever-ship with Wesley. My best friends since childhood had no idea about it, but that probably had more to do with me not talking to them for weeks.) "I had no idea. Maybe we can make him tutor us."

He probably would. He's a big ol' softie like that.

Hild laughed at Eowyn's purposeful change of topic. It was good that, despite what her friend named as her own predilection for ruminating, Eowyn could steer the conversation willfully. But most of Hild's latest news had much to do with the previous topic.

"But what to say," she noised thoughtfully. "Part of my interest -- How do they say it here? -- in your love life is because my own has been terribly full. Not love, of course," Hild amended. "Not true love. But it has been a great deal of fun."

"Has it?" Eowyn replied, in a tone that could not be viewed as anything less than encouraging. She was not entirely sure what Hild might mean, but she was glad Hild had found "fun" here, if not true love. She thought both of them were likely to look dimly on love, or at least on marriage.

"I do not ask for confidences I should not have, but you cannot say such a thing and then say nothing else. Tis not possible."

Edited 2015-10-24 01:14 (UTC)

It made Hild glad to hear that Luke made Spencer happier, as she thought the same true for the other man. But she felt a sharp emptiness in her chest even so, like the ache of having too little food to sustain one. She saw others' happiness in love, felt it, breathed it in like it was incense, heady and rich. It was difficult for Hild not to be happy when her friends were happy. Despite this, being in love was one thing that many of her friends had experience with and she did not. She had never had the time, never had the luxury of being able to fall in love. She was young by the standards of Darrow, but old enough by the standard of Northumbria. She had sex and enjoyed it, but as Spencer and she had discussed once, there could be sex without love. She cared, in some instances deeply, about those she had let share her bed, but she knew it was not the same. She did not know what being in love felt like, but she knew she had not tasted it yet.

Her smile would not falter. No dark shadow would pass over her gaze. She was happy for Spencer and not unhappy with her own lot. Only aware.

She nodded and dipped her head to consider her coffee cup, worrying the edge of the cardboard holder with her thumb. "I had something like that with Begu, my gemæcce. She was always to be there when I needed her, and even when I did not realize I needed her. It is good to have someone you can trust in so completely. To know there's no games at work with them."

Hild nodded and sipped her coffee. "His mother speaks Spanish. I think she teaches him," she said. That was their first conversation, Hild remembered, only a few months ago but it felt as though such a long time had passed. Those few months were full of so much learning, so many new things, it was dizzying for her to look back on.

"We will make him teach us," she decided, and gave Bianca a sideways smile. "He cannot say no to the both of us together."

Hild laughed at this truth, and was happy for the fact that no one else seemed to understand Hild and Eowyn's common language. These were not secrets, precious confidences, but they were not things Hild would ever share in public where all could hear and understand.

"Four men," Hild admitted. "This is why I try to encourage you. I have been with four men here and each has been amazing. I am friends as well with most of them, so I don't need to fear..." There were a great many things women had to fear from men when sex was involved. "Anything. Not really."

"Four?" Eowyn repeated, but it was with surprise rather than censure. It was clear that Hild was indeed having fun, and with several partners. Eowyn did not at all judge her friend, though she thought that the rules may well be different for Hild's court and her own. Eowyn's purity was not required at marriage, but multiple partners were not condoned, either.

"I am glad to hear that you have enjoyed yourself and that all have been gentlemen except when you have wished them not to be. Without meaning to ask you to gossip, do I know any of these gentlemen?"

She raised her cup to hide her smile, giggling behind her hand. This was exactly the kind of thing Hild had denied herself back home: sex, fun, gossip. Being light and carefree and concerned only with herself and her friends. She liked it, odd though it was.

"Derek," she admitted with raised brows. "When I say he is a good lover, I know this for fact. And Krem."

Derek was not such a surprise as Krem in Hild's list of partners. Derek seemed to enjoy life to the fullest, in all its forms, and so he would likely enjoy such activities. Krem, though, Eowyn would admit to some surprise about, and she raised her eyebrows.

"I shall be sure to remember that, should I ever be in such a situation with Derek," Eowyn replied with an equal giggle, though she thought they both knew that was unlikely to ever occur. She did not think she was Derek's "type", as the phrasing was.

"I did not know that Krem's tastes included women, but I have not asked him such questions either."

Her smile softened a little at Eowyn's remarks about Krem. Their time had been enjoyable, but also special in a way that Hild was not at liberty to speak on. But she remembered it with more than passing fondness.

"He is shy in these things," Hild said. "Though I do not think he would lie if asked outright. He seemed to like my taste well enough," she joked with a devious smirk.

"I do not blame him for being so, made as he is," Eowyn agreed in stout defense of their friend. She felt protective of Krem, though she knew he did not need it, and likely would not want it. She sipped her drink as she considered what she might ask and what she might not, for she did not wish Hild to think that she asked too much.

"I am glad that you both found the experience enjoyable. And what of the other two, for you have not mentioned them. Can they not be discussed? Perhaps they wore a mask and you do not know their names?"

She nodded slightly at Eowyn's choice of words, not at all surprised that Krem had shared his secret with her. Hild herself already trusted Eowyn absolutely. She had the natural demeanor of a confidante.

"No masks," Hild said said with a little smile. "It is only that I do not think you know them. Edgar and Alec. Alec Scudder. I have not seen much of Edgar since, but I am quite fond of Alec. He reminds me of home, in a way."

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Next cometh Autumn with the sun so hot and piercing...

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