light_of_the_world | Next cometh Autumn with the sun so hot and piercing...

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Next cometh Autumn with the sun so hot and piercing...

Back home, the court moved. Breguswith had explained it to Hild once, when she was a child and adamantly against such constant travel. She wanted to stay in a place long enough to learn its habits, to discover its secret places, to feel it with her whole skin. But as her mother pointed out, a king could not remain in one area for so long, not if he wished to keep his thegns in line with his powerful presence and keep his court from eating those thegns out of house and home. And so they had drifted from castle to castle, following the shifting seasons, keeping time with the different vills. Bebbanburg, Yeavering, Tinamutha, once, Brough, Sancton, Goodmanham, York.

But time did not need a changing landscape to move on. Hild found herself on the cusp of fall, without York, for the first time in more than a decade. Darrow did not have York's sweet apples or pears, nor its wars. It did have something called a pumpkin spice latte, however, which was almost as delicious as the overexcited barista had told Hild it would be. She had ordered two if only to calm the woman, but she had reasoned that anything that garnered such praise, mostly earnest, had to be passing good.

Balancing a tray of coffees and a few scones in one hand, Hild texted a few of her friends with the other, inviting them each to join her in the park, if they had the time. The first to arrive could have the spare latte. So she said. Hild had every intention of ensuring that each of her friends could share in the pumpkin spiced goodness.

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"Of course you would dare," Eowyn replied indulgently, for it was clear that in some ways, Hild was the braver of the two of them. Light and dark, brave and not. They fit well together, and Eowyn found comfort in that.

"I would believe that he has a good heart, though he hides it behind the mask of one of the Dunedain - dark, bearded, and with eyes older than his face."

"Yes," Hild agreed. Though she had never heard of these Dunedain - and she would be sure to ask about them, when they weren't talking about Derek - Eowyn's description and tone matched Hild's feelings.

"And a good lover," she remarked lightly, and hid behind another sip of coffee, looking innocent.

She laughed, startled, and was glad she was not drinking when Hild had said that. Hild truly enjoyed saying outrageous things behind the cover of an innocent face, and Eowyn thought it was both personality and her history. From what she knew of Hild's role in her own court, her pronouncements may not have always been welcome. Saying them innocently was far less likely to cause problems with those who did not like what they heard.

"I have never been with one of the Dunedain, nor anyone else, as you know, but I would not be surprised if they also had such traits."

"Is there no one that catches your eye here?" Hild asked. It was a little abrupt, she would have to admit, but she did not wish to be distracted by questions and thoughts of the Dunedain at that moment. Those dark men, whatever they were, would remain where they were; Eowyn's life was a changing thing, like the seasons.

"Surely you have met dozens of men and women, at the stables alone," she reasoned.

It was welcome yet strange to have a friend who was so concerned about her in this way. Eomer had never wished to consider his sister ever becoming interested in another, and the serving-women were not of a rank that they could discuss it with her. So she had never truly had a female friend, not as Hild was, and had never been asked such questions.

"I have never allowed myself to consider it," she said frankly. She paused before the next explanation, for she had never truly explained how she felt about this subject to Hild. But she had told Krem, and he had understood, and she had mentioned it to Athos, and he had also showed some understanding. She had no doubt that Hild would as well.

"Before, my marriage would have been to secure an alliance, as you well know, though my mother assured me that I would not be forced to marry one I hated when I asked her about it. And then once Grima became my Uncle's counselor, he had me in mind for his prize once our kingdom had fallen. If I had showed any interest in any man or woman, I am certain their life would have ended or they would have been banished from Edoras."

Nothing that Eowyn said surprised her overmuch, as Eowyn no doubt would have known. Hild did sneer in disgust at the mention of this Grima, who would play the aide to her uncle but plot destruction; a man who would be so cowardly in his actions would surely turn Eowyn's stomach, and as a lover it would have been unthinkable. She eased her expression back into something more neutral before continuing.

"But did you not have lovers? Your brother, for example. Surely he must have been reserved for some alliance as well, but just as surely there had to have been a kitchen maid, a farmer, someone he kept quietly?"

Hild frowned and bit her lip. "I am the same as you, you know. I should have been given to some princeling and many had designs for my death. But my mother told me, as long as I kept it quiet, as long as it was someone who did not matter in the court, I could be with whomever I liked. If I made a bad choice, someone with power or influence, or got myself with child, yes, I would have paid dearly. And for this reason, and so I had no distractions, I kept to myself. But here is different. Here no one has plans for our marriages. Here we may act as ourselves and only have ourselves to answer for it."

"Oh, Eomer certainly did," she chuckled. "He cut a swathe through the Eastfold each time he went back to our parents' lands. But he did not wish for me to know about them, and so he would not speak of them."

Eomer was quite popular with the maids, and Eowyn knew why, for her brother was tall and strong and the ideal of a Rohirric man. But it had been different for her.

"Grima began to be my uncle's counselor when I was but fifteen summers, and his influence began to truly poison Theoden King's mind when I was nineteen. By the time I was aware of men in more than a casual way, more than as a gentle crush on a swordmaster, Grima was strong," she explained. "And he was free with his hands. Too free, though I rebuked him as often as I could and as strongly as I could without endangering my position caring for my uncle. I believe he thrived on my rejection, and would have enjoyed my dislike had he succeeded in gaining his prize. I cannot help but think of his hands and his foul breath when I consider any man in such a way."

The sneer of distaste appeared again, and this time Eowyn's descriptions made Hild's stomach turn uncomfortably. She thought of Lintlaf, grabbing Gwladus' arm and making demands, but at least Gwladus had favored him once. It was not good -- it still made Hild's blood boil to think of it -- but Hild could feel the sliminess of this Grima without ever having met him.

"I am sorry that you had to suffer this," Hild said, laying her hand atop her friend's free hand. "It must have been impossible to find peace, and you had no freedom. I understand why thoughts of this Grima would haunt you still."

She pursed her lips thoughtfully and spoke carefully. "In time, I hope the thought of him fades. I hope it is replaced with some good man or woman who wishes for your happiness, not your disdain. He is not here, after all. And if he were I would kill him without a question."

Thoughts of Grima always drew her mind into darker paths, and Eowyn was glad of Hild's hand to return her to the present. She turned her hand to squeeze Hild's in thanks for comfort and understanding.

"I could not have endured it, but for my love of my uncle and my people. If I had left the court, as I often longed to do, he would have been alone and the kingdom would have fallen. And so I stayed, in hopes that he would someday be released from his early dotage and become the strong king he should have been the entire time. Now that he has been so released, Grima is banished back to his master and there he will stay. I hope that the thoughts of him will fade from my mind as his influence fades from our realm, but I do not know that any man would have the patience to endure so slow a pace such I might need."

She was startled into a laugh even in the midst of her worry by Hild's matter-of-fact statement that she would kill Grima.

"In that, I think you would have competition, for I wish to have a chance at him as well."

There was a measure of reassurance to be taken from the happy ending of the story, that Grima was rightfully banished and that he uncle regained his own mind. But while the kingdom might have recovered as though overnight, Eowyn had a longer journey ahead of her. Hild had no doubt that she would make it through, but not suddenly and without effort.

She smiled kindly and inclined her head in a small nod. "I would not dream of stealing the honor away from you," Hild said. "But I do not think you take your own measure right, my friend. I believe many a worthy man would be willing to wait for these bad memories to fade and be forgotten. A woman such as you is not common." Her smile turned teasing, playfully chiding. "Or do you think I take anyone to be my companion, so close as you?"

"Nay, I know you would not," Eowyn immediately agreed, for she knew very well how difficult the lot of a sister-daughter to the king was. There were few who could be trusted, and fewer still who would want to be. Hild knew to pick her friends carefully, as Eowyn did, and she took her friend's gentle rebuke as it was intended.

"And I thank you for not allowing me to dwell in dark places in my head, for you know I can be prone to it. Now, you must tell me some news, for we have spoken of me alone far too long."

Hild laughed at Eowyn's purposeful change of topic. It was good that, despite what her friend named as her own predilection for ruminating, Eowyn could steer the conversation willfully. But most of Hild's latest news had much to do with the previous topic.

"But what to say," she noised thoughtfully. "Part of my interest -- How do they say it here? -- in your love life is because my own has been terribly full. Not love, of course," Hild amended. "Not true love. But it has been a great deal of fun."

"Has it?" Eowyn replied, in a tone that could not be viewed as anything less than encouraging. She was not entirely sure what Hild might mean, but she was glad Hild had found "fun" here, if not true love. She thought both of them were likely to look dimly on love, or at least on marriage.

"I do not ask for confidences I should not have, but you cannot say such a thing and then say nothing else. Tis not possible."

Edited 2015-10-24 01:14 (UTC)

Hild laughed at this truth, and was happy for the fact that no one else seemed to understand Hild and Eowyn's common language. These were not secrets, precious confidences, but they were not things Hild would ever share in public where all could hear and understand.

"Four men," Hild admitted. "This is why I try to encourage you. I have been with four men here and each has been amazing. I am friends as well with most of them, so I don't need to fear..." There were a great many things women had to fear from men when sex was involved. "Anything. Not really."

"Four?" Eowyn repeated, but it was with surprise rather than censure. It was clear that Hild was indeed having fun, and with several partners. Eowyn did not at all judge her friend, though she thought that the rules may well be different for Hild's court and her own. Eowyn's purity was not required at marriage, but multiple partners were not condoned, either.

"I am glad to hear that you have enjoyed yourself and that all have been gentlemen except when you have wished them not to be. Without meaning to ask you to gossip, do I know any of these gentlemen?"

She raised her cup to hide her smile, giggling behind her hand. This was exactly the kind of thing Hild had denied herself back home: sex, fun, gossip. Being light and carefree and concerned only with herself and her friends. She liked it, odd though it was.

"Derek," she admitted with raised brows. "When I say he is a good lover, I know this for fact. And Krem."

Derek was not such a surprise as Krem in Hild's list of partners. Derek seemed to enjoy life to the fullest, in all its forms, and so he would likely enjoy such activities. Krem, though, Eowyn would admit to some surprise about, and she raised her eyebrows.

"I shall be sure to remember that, should I ever be in such a situation with Derek," Eowyn replied with an equal giggle, though she thought they both knew that was unlikely to ever occur. She did not think she was Derek's "type", as the phrasing was.

"I did not know that Krem's tastes included women, but I have not asked him such questions either."

Her smile softened a little at Eowyn's remarks about Krem. Their time had been enjoyable, but also special in a way that Hild was not at liberty to speak on. But she remembered it with more than passing fondness.

"He is shy in these things," Hild said. "Though I do not think he would lie if asked outright. He seemed to like my taste well enough," she joked with a devious smirk.

"I do not blame him for being so, made as he is," Eowyn agreed in stout defense of their friend. She felt protective of Krem, though she knew he did not need it, and likely would not want it. She sipped her drink as she considered what she might ask and what she might not, for she did not wish Hild to think that she asked too much.

"I am glad that you both found the experience enjoyable. And what of the other two, for you have not mentioned them. Can they not be discussed? Perhaps they wore a mask and you do not know their names?"

She nodded slightly at Eowyn's choice of words, not at all surprised that Krem had shared his secret with her. Hild herself already trusted Eowyn absolutely. She had the natural demeanor of a confidante.

"No masks," Hild said said with a little smile. "It is only that I do not think you know them. Edgar and Alec. Alec Scudder. I have not seen much of Edgar since, but I am quite fond of Alec. He reminds me of home, in a way."

She considered the names and then shook her head.

"I do not know them, but if this Alec Scudder reminds you of home, perhaps I ought to, for he might remind me of home as well. For all its pumpkin spice lattes, there is some comfort in things of home," she mused.

Hild laughed softly in agreement. "He has an honesty in his way," she said, growing more thoughtful. "Which is not to say that home and the court were honest, of course. But the people of the land were more true, to themselves and their desires."

Eowyn nodded in agreement.

"I could never say that the court was honest, especially not after the years we have had, but I did not doubt the wishes of people so much as here. Everyone is very polite, and I do not know if they mean what they say. I think I may always be most comfortable with those from times like my own, though I enjoy meeting others from different lands and places."

It was a different task, of course, to be king's niece and navigate the intrigues of a court and to be the king's seer and know the true hearts of men. Hild did not find that men had changed overmuch in the span between her time and this. Their trappings, their words, their manners, yes, but their desires were always the same.

"I think it is like learning a new horse," Hild said. "At first you do not know how hard or fast you can ride him, how he will respond to commands. But the longer you stay with him, the better you know his ways. Eventually, the ways of people here will become second nature to you."

"Perhaps, but I do not know that I wish them to be," she confessed. "For I am still convinced that I will return to the Mark, return to my people who need me. If I become too similar to those here, I will not seem at home in the Mark again, and I would never wish for that."

She might not speak that way to others, but she could say much to Hild. She understood.