I think I'll stay here til I feel whole again

[light_of_the_world]

It had been a long month for all. Days without, days spent missing, lingered longer, time dragging its feet though its steady progression of hours. The searching, the hoping, the praying, the worrying made the sun slower in the day and the stars dimmer at night.

And then, to lose. To lose was to make time stop. The world moved on, but one's own reckoning of it ceased.

It had been a few days since Hild had realized Bianca was gone. She texted her more often than most and Hild's messages sat unanswered. She had visited her home, knocking on the door to receive no invitation. She had come back, hoping that she had simply missed the other young woman, had timed her visit badly.

She had never lost someone like this before. Hereswith, Fursey, they had only left; great distance separated them, but nothing that letters following the threads of trade could not connect. Begu, Cian, both had left and come back to her. This wasn't even death. Was Bianca back in her home, back with her old friends who had missed her, her family who loved her, her life left abruptly? Or was it something else.

The nagging worry and confusion refused to budge. She yearned, not for the first time, for a loom to occupy her thoughts and fingers. Lacking that, she turned to her kitchen. Cooking had not been a duty expected of her back home, not given her rank, not as king's kin, but she knew it. She had spent hours watching bakers roll out dough, cooks choose spices, farmers pick their best crops. She had had to feed herself, had she not?

She wasn't a pie-maker like Bitty, but the so-called shepherd's pie was still warm in her arms, the buttery, savory scents drifting up to her nose as she made her way to Derek's. At his doorstep, she paused to knock and hope that she was not interrupting time with his lover.

That was still a thing she needed to adjust to.

Comments

[triskehale]

Derek smiles at the touch to his hand, and he holds her much smaller hand in his own as he looks over at her. "I don't think that we ever stop loving. It's just hard to know what to do with it when they aren't there anymore."

He leans over to kiss her temple before settling back down onto his stool. "I hope that I'm always here."

Darrow has done a lot of terrible things to him, but still, Derek never wants to leave. It's also given him a lot of good.

[light_of_the_world]

She smiled, though it was sad at the edges. It was his hope, but it was not a promise that he could make and keep. Neither of them could hold to such a thing.

Hild squeezed his hand gently, then tilted her head in thought.

"I think it must be easier for you, to have Barry," she said. Barry had been taken. A threat to him was a threat to Derek, an injury to one was an injury to the other. But he was back. "To have someone to show all that love to."

[triskehale]

Derek flushes pink at the mention of Barry, ducking his head a bit as he smiles to himself. He hasn't thought about that word in terms of Barry, not yet, but he does like the thought of it.

"I'm glad to have found him," Derek confirms, sitting up straighter again. "He's much more than I deserve, but I'm glad."

[light_of_the_world]

Her lashes fluttered in swift blinks of surprise at the statement, then she shook her head.

"At home, we do not believe so," she said. As with practically all things, it was different in Darrow. There was never one thing, even a belief, that had its match to her experiences. It had lost its thrill of newness, its novelty.

"We receive only what we are meant to receive. Our wyrd, our fate determines our path. In my eyes, he is exactly what you deserve. You have the strength to survive the bad times and are meant to enjoy the good."

[triskehale]

Derek watches her with open fondness as she speaks so passionately, and he realizes that even with all the terrible things that still happen to him, he's the happiest that he's been in a very long time. He has friends who mean the world to him, and he's actually in a successful relationship. He has two thriving businesses, and a growing, if unorthodox, pack.

He's happy. The realization brings just a little guilt because he still isn't sure that he deserves such a thing, but still. He's content.

"I feel lucky to have found you too, you know," Derek tells her, leaning over to bump their shoulders together.

[light_of_the_world]

"And I you," Hild replied warmly. Nightmares no longer troubled her, not from that dark other version of Darrow, but she still remembered how he had saved her. How gentle and caring he had been when she silently clung to him once that nightmare city had faded.

She felt a sudden pang in her heart for the loss of him, but it was only a part of their relationship, not the whole. Leaning in on impulse, Hild pressed a kiss to his cheek. When she pulled back, it was with a bright smile.

"It was meant to be, and I am happy for it."

[triskehale]

"So am I," Derek assures her, smiling at the kiss. There is a small part of him that does miss that other aspect of their relationship, but he's happy with where he's found himself in life. Monogamy suits him best; that's just the way he is.

Still, he's incredibly relieved that he and Hild's friendship survived having that part cut out of it. Not only that, it seems just as strong as ever.

He reaches over and places a hand on the back of her neck, squeezing fondly before letting go and giving her a fond nod.